Also I know this image is horrible, I think it may be time for a new scanner...but you get the idea!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wishing you a Merry Christmas!
Also I know this image is horrible, I think it may be time for a new scanner...but you get the idea!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
My Birthday
My birthday also happens to be The Girls official due date, their original due date was Christmas Day but was changed to my Birthday at our 12 week ultrasound which Mr.K had predicted at our very first visit. Even though we knew there was no way I would make it to my due date and I had been "penciled in" to be induced on the 18th of November, I still always hoped to share my birthday with My Girls. And if you know me...you know I don't share, but still I couldn't imagine anything better! Giving Birth on my Birthday, sounds pretty amazing to me!
Last year on my Birthday I was a wreck, not only because I so badly wanted The Girls but because I had lost my job the day before. To tell the truth, I don't remember any of it! This year though I anticipated my Birthday with a bit of happiness, I have come so far in my grief and I have to admit I think I owe a lot of that to all of you. I woke up early that morning with sadness but as Mr.K and I ate breakfast and watched Maggie play I thought of My Girls and smiled...I miss them but I know they are loved and I know they are happy in heaven, and it is a wonderful place to be.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
And the Winners are....
I had originally planed on doing this last night but time got away from us and it was so late that I couldn't do it, I had to go to bed! So as Mr. K was running out the door this morning I put all the names in a bowl and he picked the two winners!
And they are...
Congratulations to Marie W at My Expected End and Jus and Kat from In Dylan's Memory!
Please e-mail me at ka_hall at att dot net so we can work out what you want in your frames and I can get them in the mail to each of you ASAP!
Also I wanted to say a Big Thank you to everyone that commented yesterday, it was so nice to get on and read all of your wonderful comments! And it made me realize how important commenting is and how good it makes you feel! For a long time now I have "lurked" at many of your blogs and not commented but after yesterday I'm going to do my best to stop lurking!
Make sure to swing in Our Lives Forever Changed today and see what Susan is giving away!
Monday, December 14, 2009
25 Days of Giveaways - Day 18!
First, I have to say a BIG Thank You to Tina at Living without Sophia and Ellie for putting this all together, you are amazing and it has been GREAT to connect with so many other baby lost mammas and blogs that I had yet to come accross!
For my giveaway I have this ornament!
I found it at a local shop and it had a bow tied to the bottom but I decided I would change it up a bit so I added a crystal and two charms. One charm says love in English on one side and has the Chinese symbol on the the other side. The other charm is a frame.
In the ornament I did for myself I placed an extra tiny picture of the girls in the frame and if you would like I will do the same for you or if you would prefer I will place your angle baby(ies) names in the frame. But I can work that all out with the winners!
Yes that's right I said winners! In honor of my Birthday this coming Friday I decided that I would giveaway two! Mr.K made me promise to let him help so we will put all of the names in a hat late tonight and he will draw the winners! All you need to do to enter is leave a comment!
I wish you all the best of Luck and Thank You for stopping by! Make sure you visit Tina's Blog tomorrow and find out where to go next! And I'm sorry for the quality of the pictures, I took them on my phone because after an hour of trying I could not get the camera to cooperate!
Monday, December 7, 2009
Maggie got a new toy...it is her new favorite!
Maggie doing her best to look extra cute for the camera. Cousin Daisy Dog...letting us see how well she can behave after her schooling!Maggie and Daisy, who are bestest friends, playing with the new toy! They ran all around the yard just like this for over an hour!
And yes there were people at our Thanksgiving but there aren't any pictures of them...go figure!
Texas Weather
I am really hoping for snow again! I love snow and sadly live in a place that gets very little of it, even though we have had snow 3 times in the past 5 years! But I am looking forward to the holidays even if I am getting a little stressed out about buying presents. I love to buy presents but at the same time I freak out a bit about spending money...go figure!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Where did November Go?
We had such a wonderful Thanksgiving, I can't tell you how much I love Mr.K's family! Not that I don't love my family too but there is something about his family...they are so laid back and casual and fun! I loved having them all here on Thursday and I kept myself so busy that I really didn't have a chance to be sad about missing the girls. Although I really did miss them especially with my brothers son, baby horse, he is just so cute and so happy that it made me miss them even that much more.
We finally got our tree set up last night and somehow I am all of the sudden looking forward to Christmas and the New Year. I think part of it is I am really looking forward to closing the door on this year and I am looking forward to all the possibilities that I am hoping next year will bring!
Any way I am hoping to be a better poster threw the end of the year and especially next year, I have been really bad at posting regularly and I had such bigger hopes for myself when I started blogging this year.
Also one last note, if you are a Baby Lost Momma make sure you are heading over to Tina's Blog every day to see where the 25 Days of Give Aways is Today! So you can enter to win something from one of your BLM friends.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Maggie and Her Dinner!
But don't worry the bag was all but empty! Who knew all we needed was a food bag for her to play with, we could have saved all that money we spent on toys!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Movies Lately
So then yesterday we saw UP, which was adorable! And totally unexpectedly I found my self crying during the little montage when you realize they can't have children, I never thought I would see that in a "kids" movie but it there it was! Then Ellie is sitting in the yard, not sure what to do and just feeling the sun on her face! So now I know it is not just me that has done that, and somehow I don't feel so bad about sitting out there anymore! If I need to do it...I will!
So to my real point...
Is it just me or is infertility/pregnancy loss showing up more? Is it becoming more mainstream? If so, it breaks my heart a little bit. I don't wish infertility or pregnancy loss on anyone, not even my "arch nemesis". It hurts and it is hard! And I don't know anyone in this situation that's heart doesn't break every time they hear of someones loss. So then I wonder if somehow those people that so many of us have trouble dealing with, will start to understand how we are feeling and that we are not crazy and too just leave us alone! I sure hope they get the message! It really would make my daily life just a little easier!
Just a couple thoughts, I know I am rambling! And I hope I didn't spoil anything for any of you!
Long Time No Post
So I have vowed to immerse myself in the planning and prepping and to think happy, Very HAPPY, thoughts!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
One of those days!
OK for those of you that have ever had a wee little puppy, what did you do about all the poop? See Maggie she only likes to poop in the house! This morning we went on a 30 minuet walk and she didn't pee or poop once! Then we get home and not 30 seconds later she pooped and peed on my very clean kitchen floor!
Then as we are eating breakfast I get the same phone call I get every morning...from the substitute line. And this morning there happened to be a job that I really wanted and the silly system wouldn't let me accept it! I tried and tried, but no dice! So I quickly logged in to the online system to get it and again no dice! Ugh! What did I ever do to the silly system!
So finally I decide I need to work for my part time job so I get ready to go put Maggie in her kennel and get in the car just as it starts pouring rain. I drive the 25 minuets to the store I need to work at and it is still raining like crazy, I get my umbrella, get to the door and realize that I left my computer in the car! I get to the car and guess what! It's not there! I left it at home! GREAT! So I go all the way home and by the time I get there my head is pounding! I really just want to crawl back in bed and go back to sleep! But I can't!
I used to be able to handle anything in stride. Things didn't bother me, not like this! But here lately one little thing can just completely ruin my day! I used to be such the problem solver, not anymore! I seem to get all flustered and out of sorts all of the time! The worst times are when we with are with our KFamily friends, see BigK he has panic attacks...about EVERYTHING, most days he can't make a decision with out having one! When we are them and he has one of these moments it makes me so uncomfortable. I just feel like I am on edge all of the time, and just about anything can make me jump! I wish I knew why!
Speaking of the KFamily, last week when they came over for dinner they announced that they expecting there third child! Which I know is wonderful and exciting but I am jealous! I wish things were different for us right now but they aren't and I know one day it will be me. But still! And yes I know how petty I sound, I realized it last week when I was talking Stubby, she put me in my place and truthfully I really am thankful! I can be such a downer when it comes to things I want and can't have and I don't even notice! Now I just have to figure out how to get past my jealousy and be happy for my friends! The funny things is I don't feel this type of jealousy towards my blog friends, actually I am genuinely excited and thrilled for you! I just wish I was part of that group too, and I know I will be...one of these days!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
I like treats!
She likes to watch TV
But not commercials!
And she loves to sleep just like this! Doesn't that look comfortable? And even with the storm we had last night she slept the whole night for the very first time! Granted she was awake at 6am, but that was a lot better than 2am!
And I promise I will do my best to blog about things other than Maggie but right now there is not a lot going on! Hope everyone has a great weekend! It finally feels like fall here and I am super EXCITED, too bad Mr. K is working this weekend!
Monday, October 5, 2009
HSG and Other News
I'm not even sure where to start...
The main reason I have been hesitant in posting is because a particular member of my family has started reading my blog. Apparently they enjoy taking what I say on here and repeating it to other family members, to stir up trouble. I know I have said some things on here that are not particularly faltering to many of my family members, but I am only stating my feelings and I am NOT doing it to be hurtful to anyone. I have thought about making my blog private and the more I think about it the less I want to do that. I know I read a variety of different blogs that I might not comment on and I get sad when they suddenly go private and I don't want to do that to any one who might be lurking out there. So to that family member, I am not going to tell you to stop reading but I am going to ask that you respect me and my thoughts and stop stirring things up, I really just don't have the energy for it.
In other news...
The HSG turned out to be pretty easy as far as the procedure it self is concerned. Little too no pain and it was over in less than five minuets. But then I guess that is also the bad part. It turns out that the Dr. that did the ectopic removal back in March was not honest with us at all. Not one little bit! It seams that she actually REMOVED my left fallopian tube and ovary! Yes you read that right, both my left fallopian tube and ovary are gone!
I sat for a long while being very angry and crying! I understand I still have the right side but I feel violated. And yes I realize she would have only done it if it were medically necessary, but the fact that she just left that little bit of information out is what bothers me! Mr. K and I both specifically asked her if she removed anything and she said NO! I really just feel violated!
Dr. R said we shouldn't worry about anything and that my right FT and O look very healthy. He also said he doesn't see any reason for us to worry about anything, even though his best guess is that it will take any ware from 6 months to a year to conceive once we decide we are ready and that really isn't that long, it it?
But right now I just have to believe that everything will work out for us.
After a rough first couple of days Maggie is finally feeling at home, I have about a zillion pictures that I will sort threw and post a few of later. We attempted a walk this morning but she wanted no part of. See last week the weather here was so nice and cool, in the 70's, which was wonderful compared to mid 90's that we have been experiencing! But it didn't last too long, this morning we woke up and it is in the 80's again! And Maggie wants no part of going outside, which could present a problem or two in a few hours.
Wish me luck!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Sunday Evening
I mean I guess I want a puppy to but I have never had a puppy before and oddly enough I am more worried about a puppy then a baby! I think I have lost my mind!
But after the first breakdown, yes there were two! Kevin and I made BBQ Ribs for dinner and they were AWESOME! It might have taken a bit longer than my dad had wanted...but oh well, he can get over it! They were great!
After dinner it had really cooled down, finally, and we had a nice breeze so we lit a little fire in the fire pit on our patio and Mr. K and I sat and read our books for three hours! It was so nice! I love to read and I can't think of a better way to have spent the evening!
I wish bringing Maggie home this week was not freaking me out so much! I am sure I will love her, but right now I am just freaked out by her!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
HSG - Rescheduled
Thank you to all of you that have been thinking about us today, I do appreciate it! And please think of me again on the 29th!
I have to admit that when it was rescheduled, I really wasn't ready for it yet! I just got of the phone with Dr. R and he assured me not to worry about it and went over the procedure a bit more with me, which did set my mind at ease!
I think I have a friend from High School that has had an HSG done before so I am going to send her an email tonight and ask her what she knows, is that to much?
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Just an Update
Hi I'm Maggie!
Adison & Lillian's First Birthday Party
I remembered everything...except mine and Mr.K's cards! I felt so guilty, but it worked out just fine...I had several extra blank cards. The Balloons they went off with out a hitch...well most of them!I have to admit it was really funny to watch Mr. K and T get them down! After we watched the balloons float far far away, we went home for dinner and cupcakes. We lit Birthday candles and started to sing Happy Birthday but I got a little emotional so we didn't. I really wanted to, but it made me so sad when I started thinking about it! I really loved these Rainbow Cupcakes that Monica made for Jack so I thought I would make some for the girls!
Monica's turned out a lot better then mine but I still enjoyed making them and they were just perfect for the girls Birthday!
If I did not mention it before I really had a wonderful day with my friends and family and I am so thankful for all of you! And all of your support, it means the world to the both Mr.K and I!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
I can't let it bother me...I won't let them bring me down. But why do they not realize it hurts me? Have they forgotten The Girls/My Daughters/There Grand Daughters? I wish I understood them...I do not...I never will!
Other than that I have had a wonderful day! I am really looking forward to Saturday. On Saturday I will get to see all of the people that have sent me messages and called and carried/thought about us today.
Thank You - Blog Friends and Real Life Friends you mean the world to us!
Happy Birthday My Sweet Girls - Day One!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Hum...
Today, out of the blue, I got a text message from B saying he needed to tell me something and it was going to make me mad...I didn't like the sound of that and imideatly I got anxious! Turns out B has been pretty unhapy with life in general for a year or so now and he saw therapist but it did not really help. And a week after we visited in June he moved out, they have filed for divorce and it will be finall in November. He even appologized for not calling or texting he just did not know how to tell me, or anyone for that matter. I fell so bad for him/her/them!
Do you ever wish you have something completly profound to say when some one tells you something like that? I do! I know people wish the same when I tell them about the girls. I just wish I could have said something wonderful today! All I could say was, "I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers", and that seams so cheasy now! In the back of my mind I had a billion other things I wanted to say, but I couldn't! I am completly shocked!
Friday, August 21, 2009
Old Friends are New Friends
A while later he married another friend from high school. And they had a beautiful little girl, whom we meet just a few days after her birth. Shortly after they relocated to San Diego and we really lost touch.
Last week when Mr. K was on his way home from work he swore he saw him. And later that night he saw the car he thought Big K was driving at his parents house. Big K grew up on the street we now live and his parents still do live here. So later that night we sent an email to see if they were here visiting and if we could get together for dinner. Almost immediately we got a response and found out that they had moved back! I can't tell you how excited Mr. K was! BigK was one of his best friends and over the past few years he really has lost touch with all of them, not on purpose but I guess sometimes that just happens!
The funniest part is they have been living with his parents for about 3 months, a block away from us, and we never new it!
It has been really nice to have a friend right down the block to hang out with and I am pretty sure we have seen them every night this week.
Threw the rumor mill they had heard we were expecting the girls and I think the hardest part of our renewed friendship was having to tell them that we had lost them. I was really worried about it, but they have been amazing! They were concerned for us and the girls, they don't change the subject if the girls or my pregnancy comes up. And for the first visit, wanting to be understanding, they left their 5 month old son with Grandma. Yesterday afternoon when they came down to play, MommaK and I visited about our pregnancies and she was so nice and understanding and never looked uncomfortable, she was only concerned for us.
I am unbelievably excited to have a new friend and even more so that she lets me share with her!
I know that I can share with any of you at any time, but some how this fells different. I guess it is because they were not here when I was pregnant and a lot of what we have been sharing is about my actual pregnancy, it is like we are comparing notes or something.
In the last few years I have realized how important it is to have good friends and especially those that accept you as you are. I am certain this is going to be a great and long friendship!
Prayers
A few hours later, when I was leaving the house, I realized the officer is my neighbor.
My heart sank, there must have been 30 officers in the street and yards near his home, most consoling one another and looking shocked. This is only the forth officer killed in the line of duty in our city's history. We only know the officer and his family from passing and a short hello once or twice. But I still feel horrible for his wife and two children.
So I am asking you all for prayers for this family. I know they have a very rough road ahead of them. I wish there was more I could do for them, and there might be, but as we all know prayers are important.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Mr. & Mrs. Hall
OK, it is pretty funny!
This Morning Mr. K completely tricked me and said we were going to run an errand for him for work and took me to brunch at Brady's Landing, where we got married! They have a GREAT Sunday Brunch, although I may have had one to many Mimosa's, we had a wonderful! I took a few pictures on my phone so bare with me...
And considering that they are located directly on the ship chanel, there grounds always look so pretty, had it not been so darn hot I think I would have talked Mr. K into a walk around the grounds, but when we left just after 1pm it was already 99ยบ, so we didn't!