Sunday, January 24, 2010

A new Friend...I Don't Think So!

Mr.K and I went to a friends house for a Rose Bowl/Dinner party. It was really nice to get out of the house and I was really looking forward to meeting one of the other couples that was going to be there because our hostess kept saying how much we had in common and she really hoped we could help each other and that intrigued me! So we went over and I had high hopes for how the evening would play out, I was really hoping to make a new friend. But that's not what happened. I left feeling angry and offended.

I met a woman, around my age and from what she told me she is struggling from infertility. As soon as this came up I understood what my friend & hostess had meant, and I was glad that she thought that maybe we could become good friends. But as we sat there and the night went on, I didn't feel that way at all. I felt like I was meeting a woman that was using her infertility and in a way that felt wrong and almost like she was making sure you felt sorry for her. Now don't get me wrong, I get that...I guess. But there were so many parts of her struggle that didn't add up.

They have been trying to conceive for over three years now, a point that she repeated again and again. She has spoken about their struggle to her OBGYN but did not follow his instructions. She did start taking the clomid that he prescribed but did not follow the instructions exactly. She knows she should see a specialist, but she won't go. She also knows she probably needs a new OBGYN, she won't do that either. (Her OBGYN has a reputation in our area from being old fashion and extremely wacky) I recommended her giving Dr. R a call and at least just meeting with him and getting his opinion but she didn't want to do that either!

I understand the whole being in denial thing so I thought if I told her our story she might consider making a change, if that really was what she wanted. But instead she made me feel like everything that happened with the girls was my fault! And that her problems were much worse than mine!!!! She even had the nerve to say that God had a way of taking care of things that aren't meant to be and my girls must have not been good enough to come here!!! Who says that kind of SHIT to a person! Even if you think it...who says it!

I can't say that I understand her struggle with infertility but I feel I am compassionate and understanding. For over a year now I have read so many of your stories of infertility and your struggles in getting pregnant again after a loss...but I never felt like you judge anyone that did not struggle to conceive and then lost a child, I don't feel like you judge at all. So how can she sit there and judge me to my face and say it was my fault!?!

I left dinner that night so angry I couldn't even think straight! I don't know how to deal with this woman and I don't want to! But twice now we have both been invited to dinner at our mutual friends house..and both times we didn't know they had been invited. The first time I only spoke when directly spoken too and avoided eye contact with her the entire time and shortly after dinner we politely made and excuse and left. The second time we arrived early and quickly learned they were coming! Like a baby I sent a text to my mom and asked her to call and make up and emergency to get us out of it! Thankfully she did and we left before they even got there! I feel like a coward! Who dose that! This is not who I am! But still I did it!

And I feel guilty!

And I am angry!


Marie W said...

What the hell??? Who does she think she is??? I am so angry for you Amanda. Toxic is what I call it. I would stay away from her and her toxicity. Obviously she does not want any kids - if she did she would have followed her Dr.'s orders to a "T", and took you up on the suggestion you made about Dr.R.

Jill said...

Sorry that person made you feel that way! You have no reason to feel guilty. xo

fabulous misadventures of me said...

hey there,

i just wanted you to know i read this and that i think you are an amazing person and one of the strongest women i know! i am so proud to know you and love you so much! keep your head up, there are jerks out there (trust me ive met 90% of them) but what matters is that you know that you are loved and supported and people are ugly like that because something is missing in their life, it has nothing to do with you!

i love you
gaby~ (mr. k's soulmate-tell him thanks again for finding that shoe!)

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