Tuesday, April 21, 2009

So this funk, it has a cause....

Do you remember six weeks ago or so when I had emergency surgery? Well I was originally told it was just a cyst and no big deal, just part of life! But before I left the hospital the Dr. (who is not my normal OBGYN, but as I am unemployed and not covered on Mr.K's insurance I am stuck with, for now!) mentioned the possibility that the mass she removed may have been an ectopic pregnancy! She just said it so plainly and like she didn't really believe it so I put it in the back of my mind. It couldn't be possible right? But two weeks later when we went to the follow up at her office she mentioned that I had elevated pregnancy hormones, so she was pretty positive it had been a pregnancy after all, but she wanted to wait for the official report from the hematologist before she gave the final diagnoses! SO I have been sitting on this information for weeks now, figuring when the report came in I would get a call like she promised! So wait and wait I have done. Two weeks ago the nurse called to let me know that my numbers were back at zero and that I could start a different vitamin. While I had her on the phone I asked if the results came in and she said yes, but the Dr. had not read them yet so she could not give them to me! Ugh! But she assured me that she would get them to the Dr when she came back in she would take care of it personally. I never heard back from her, and yes I should have called myself, but I didn't...I figured I would be there this week and if it were important they would call.

So yesterday Mr. K and I went back to see the crazy woman, we waited on her over an hour, when she finally made it to me she had no idea who I was, she sat there for 5 minuets going over my file until she remembered and when she finally did she said "Oh yes! You are the emergency ectopic, your the one that has to be difficult!". I looked at Mr. K and said "Well I guess we have our answer!"! So as I sat there and as she was talking to me, I did not actually hear her I was just sitting there thinking and getting really upset! How likely is this? How often does something like this happen? And then I hear it..."yours is a case I would love to write about for my next journal article..."!!! You have to be kidding me, 5 minuets ago you didn't know who I was and now you want to write about me!! Um, NO! While she is gone to get some samples I realize I knew this was coming...I'm not shocked, I'm not surprised at all! I have known it in my heart for six weeks! I have been morning this loss for six weeks! I knew even when I didn't know, and it has just compounded what I was already feeling! It is completely different from loosing the girls, it doesn't even compare...but I am still sad, I still wish it had gone differently! But again it hasn't!


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