I'm torn..

So Mr. K and I went to a weeding this weekend and it surprised us how hard it was. Not that everyone knows but, Mr. K and I got married 11 days before Adison and Lillian were born, so they were with us...and that was something, and still is something that we enjoyed and treasured!(But that is something for a different post!) So this weekend we were at this weeding of a family friend that we also attended High School with and, as expected, we saw several classmates, most of whom had babies. Not to mention that we were with my brother and his wife who are expecting their first child in just a few weeks. (C looks like she is about to pop by the way!) So any way no one actually asked, but we got the look (the look that says "oh, do you have children?") several times...and I know they wanted to ask, but they didn't, thank goodness!! But then on the way home we were talking, Mr. K new something was bothering me, about the what-ifs (I know it is NOT GOOD!) but we both said that we wouldn't have gone to the weeding, if everything had gone as planned, the girls would just be 4 months old and it was just to loud and crowded! I know I think to much...but that made me think, yes technically with my due date (December 18th, my birthday), they would just be 4 months old, but we knew they would most likely be early (around Thanksgiving), but what if they had lived (it is possible right?)? So what day do I use, for the most part I go with there birthday...but there are all of these other dates...what do you do? Not that I need an excuse to think about the girls or go out to the cemetery or do something in their memory, but I want a special day! And I do have a special day, the day I got to meet my precious angels, but I had all of these expectations for their birthday and holidays, etc. And Mr. K well he just knew they were going to stick it out and come on their due date...he said it would be just his luck! And as much as I don't like to share my birthday, I was willing to share it with them! I want to share it with them! Why can't things go like they are supposed to? Why is everything such a struggle? And why do I feel like I am being punished?