Happy Birthday Sweet Girls

Today is the Girl's Second Birthday. It wasn't the day that I had hoped for, but it was good just the same.

My Dad has been in ICU for several days and between that and school starting this week I haven't had much time to think or prepare for today. I knew I didn't want to throw a party again, but I did want to do something...and I feel like I don't feel like we did anything!

Mr. K and I did manage to get out to the cemetery and spend a few hours, even with the extreme heat, just sitting and talking to the girls.

I hate that things have been so chaotic, I don't feel like we did enough to remember them today, and that makes me sad.

I miss and love them as much as ever, some days it feels like and eternity and others it seams as if it was only yesterday. Today may not have been the day I was hoping for, but I spent it with Mr. K and we remembered our girls, and that is all that matters.

Back to work I go...

Tomorrow, I go back to work! It is hard to believe that I have had almost the entire summer off, how is that possible...I don't feel like I have anything to show for it! When May rolled around and I was thinking about all the things I was going to do this summer I had a really long list, and yes some of them got done, but the big things didn't! I wanted to paint my bedroom, find/buy/install vinyl decals in the bathroom and living room, paint the kitchen cabinets, hang drapes in the guest room, and a few more random things. I did get the garage cleaned out and the pedestals put on the washer and dryer and that was a BIG deal! I am glad we got that done, but still I wanted to do more.

The one thing I know I have done is shop, Shop and SHOP some more! My closet is beyond full and Mr.K has more clothes than he has ever had in his life, I think! The thing is I keep finding incredible deals on clothes, so I keep buying them. I will admit, I am a compulsive shopper! When I am sad or down I shop...A LOT! And this summer is prof of that, I am pretty sure I shopped ever day! The one week I didn't is the week we went on vacation! (I really need to get around to posting those pictures!)

I lastnight while getting a few things organized for me to go back to work is that I really am sad. I am sad that I don't post on here more often. I am sad that I am not pregnant. I am sad that my girls are not here. I am sad that there second birthday is 24 days away and for the life of me I do not know what I want to do to celebrate them! How is it possible that it has been almost two years? It doesn't seam possible at ALL! And it sure is not fair! I miss them so much, I miss them so much that I cried in the grocery store last week when a mom yelled at her little girl. I even had to pull in to a parking lot and cry when I saw an SUV with a bumper sticker that said "Got Twins?", I sat there and cried for so long that the security officer at the shopping center came over to check on me!

I really want to be shopping for MyGirls, I want to be finding all kinds of AMAZING deals on things for them! I don't want to just start crying at random anymore! I don't like crying at random! And I want my mom to stop looking at me like I am crazy, when I buy two pink windsocks to take to the cemetery. Yes Mom, it is normal (I guess) so stop judging me and get over it!

Maybe I just have to much free time on my hands. Maybe this will stop when school goes back and I get busy again.