Hall Happenings

Well I haven't started my new job yet because of some crazy finger print snafu and the felon! Go figure! Plus on top of it all the woman in HR is being a real pain in the you know what, I think she thinks I really am the felon! And she keeps trying to say that I am going to be paid less than I actually am! Which yesterday made me have a little panic attack! I even started thinking about turning down the job! Yikes!

In other news...
I yelled at my mom, and it made me cry! I'm going to work for a local school district, not as a teacher, and my mom (and the rest of my family) thinks I should get my certification and teach. Granted two years ago I would have done it, no questions asked...but today I don't want too. I don't know if I could spend all day with someone else's children. What if a parent is mean to a child? Or doesn't treat a child right? I honestly don't think I could handle it...so for now, I'm not going to teach. I might decide one day that I want to, and I will do it, but for now, I don't! But when my mom brought it up for the millionth time, I just let her have it. I told her it wasn't fair of her to keep asking me to do something I didn't want to do and did she not understand how it makes me feel to think about teaching and encouraging a strangers child when I want to be doing that with My Girls? For once it made her shut up! It felt good to shut her up but at the same time I finally admitted what I had been thinking for a long time now and that made me cry.

But what yesterday did I help me to see is that I need to stop worrying so much about what people say and think about me and just be me, whoever that is now. Because I have spent way to much time and energy avoiding telling so many people how I really feel, and I don't want to do it anymore! It is exhausting!

Some days I want to go back to the fun loving, outgoing, creative, shopaholic that I used to be. Some days I see glimpses of her and I realize how much I miss her. I wonder if my friends and family miss her too...