My Mom

My brother and his wife are having a baby...it is due any day now...my parents are excited! More excited then they were for Mr. K and I when the girls were on there way, so lets think how that makes us feel. I mean seeing as my brother and his wife want little to nothing to do with our family. But apparently it doesn't matter how I feel about it! It doesn't matter so much that when I was in the hospital last week my mother and cousin organized and planned a baby shower that I, the one recovering from surgery is co-hosting! Oh yes that is right I am co-hosting a shower...with out any desire to do so! But tonight I finally had enough...

My mother called and was asking me something about SiL's due date, and I flat out said...I don't know and I really don't care. I didn't mean this to sound as harsh as I know it did but oh well!
So when my mom came to bring dinner tonight I wanted to make sure I apologized for being so rude to her on the phone. So I said "I didn't mean to be snippy on the phone earlier but do you understand why we don't want every detail about the birth?" and she looked at me and said "Oh yes, I understand and I am sorry." to which I said "Really you understand...then why am I hosting this shower on Saturday?" and her reply "Well I just thought you were past this by now, you know I thought you had moved on!". At this point I couldn't control my self...I was yelling at her! What I know for sure that I said was "7 months, 7 months...that is enough time for me to get over losing my daughters...I should be over it? Really! Well I'm not! And I'm not about to be!" My mother doesn't deal well with confrontation so she just walked away...which let me tell you made me more ANGRY then I want admit.

So not only dose my mother not understand why I didn't want to host this shower...she thinks that I should be over the loss of Adison and Lillian! Has she lost her mind? I am her daughter, I am the one that would cry weeks after something bad would happen as a kid...I never ever was quick to get over something! And there is no reason that I should be "over" the loss of my daughters! Why can't she understand! I wish she understood! She is my mother! I am excited for my brother and his wife, but right now I just don't want to be part of it!